The bread slices & jam sachet

Positive thinking can make one feel good or bad in same situation.

“Sir, your breakfast.”

Mohan put the newspaper down as the waiter put the breakfast tray in front of him. Next to him, Vinod was already opening his breakfast package.

“The food provided in Rajdhani Exp is really better than in other trains. Isn’t it?” asked Vinod.

“Yes” replied Mohan. He unwrapped the plain bread slices out of the covering. There was a bowl of Upma and one Vada with chutney. With the bread slices, a butter sachet, & a jam sachet were provided. He opened the jam sachet & applied the jam on a slice.

‘Why can’t they give enough jam so that it can be applied on both the slices? It is too less. Why such a small sachet’ thought Mohan sourly.

“Wow Mohan, did you see that?” exclaimed Vinod. “They have given such big slices of bread that one jam sachet is just not enough! We can consume one more jam sachet with this pair of bread slices.”

“........”

'Am I egoistic?'

It was written all across his face that he was very happy. Vinod emptied the glass of water and then asked him, “I can tell by looking at your face that something has happened & now you are at truce with Sudha. Am I right?”

Ganesh sighed. “Yes. You are too good a psychologist. It was a bit of problem which we resolved finally. The last week’s fight was very bad. We were sleeping in separate rooms. And we were not on talking terms too. She prepared breakfast & lunch for me in the morning and then entered the bathroom, and won’t come out till I leave for office. When I come in the evening, food will be on the table, she will be sleeping in her room. But finally we started to miss each other. Yesterday I bought her favourite ice-cream, went to her room. She was pretending to sleep. But I forcefully woke her up, and gave the ice-cream. And rest is history. We apologised to each other and the same good old days are back now.”

“Good to hear that. I did not like your sullen & unshaven face last week” laughed Vinod.

“But I don’t understand one thing Vinod” Ganesh said. “I love Sudha more than my life. We have been married for many months now. We do have our small misunderstandings. But the day this misunderstanding came up, I started hating her. After our fight, she went to the living room to watch TV. She was watching her favourite comedy serial, and was laughing at those silly jokes made by the actors. But I was feeling very jealous inside myself. Seeing her laugh was making my blood boil. I wished that power goes off, or our TV goes out of order and she is not able to watch the serial. I wanted her to keep crying till she comes back to me. Similarly, when she was talking to the neighbour in the evening, she was enjoying her time. I just wanted to bash both their faces at that time. But after we made up last night, I wonder how could I have such ghastly thoughts about her? After all, I love her.”

Vinod continued to sip his juice as he smiled at Ganesh. “You mean you wished ill for Sudha when both of you were fighting?”

“Yes. Very much. And I am ashamed of it. Do you think I love her?”

“Tell me one thing” Vinod asked. “Whose was guilty of the argument? Was it your mistake or hers?”

“How does it matter Vinod? We apologised to each other & we are happy now. Everything has been forgiven.”

“Who apologised first? You or her?”

“It was me, “Ganesh said. “I took the ice-cream to her and said that I was sorry. She immediately responded by saying sorry.”

“You said sorry first even though it was not necessarily your mistake. Am I right?”

“Yes. May be I was wrong. May be not. But both of us apologised to each other.”

“Then you love her. No doubt about it. Love requires swallowing ones ego. You did that, though it was after few days. You love her. And she said sorry immediately after you apologised. So she loves you too.”

“Then why did I think of hurting her?”

“Ego.”

“Ego?”

“Yes ego. After you fought, it was your ego which demanded that Sudha cannot be happy without you. It wanted to hurt her. It always wants you to feel important. It wants to prove that you are such an important person in her life that she cannot remain happy even for a moment without you. It wanted to cut-off all other sources of her happiness, so that she depends only upon you for her happiness.”

“So you mean I am egoistic?”

“We all are, to some degree.”

“But just now you told I swallowed my ego? And proved that I really love her..!”

“Yes. You were egoistic when you thought of hurting her. Ego blinds us more than love. That’s why, even though you love Sudha, you wanted TV or the neighbour to go away. But later, love overcame ego. You decided to apologise. You took the first step. Love triumphed over ego.”

“I see...My God! I never thought that way” Ganesh said.

“You will get it. Think about it. When we love somebody we always say, ‘your happiness is my happiness’. Don’t we? But what happens when we fight or argue? Isn’t other’s happiness not our happiness at that point too? It is.”

“Then what happens?”

“Always remember, if 2 people, who say they love each other are having a fight, watch for the one who starts shouting first. When he starts shouting, his ego has overcome his love for the other person. The other person will not shout till his ego is hurt by the shouting from the first one.

“So you mean to say I need to overcome my ego?”

“You already did once. Next time, let it not take few days, but few hours. And going forward let it be few minutes.”

“You are right. Then I will not have to suffer so much.”

“I don’t know, who among you shouted first, and whose mistake was it overall. But I know, Sudha is lucky to have you as life-partner. You will ensure that the relationship lasts long.”

“Thanks Vinod” Ganesh chuckled.

“Still I wonder Ganesh. Why did not she approach you first to apologise?”

“...........”



(Based on a true incident.)

A stranger hurt on the road...

Traffic is one of the most spoken-about problems in Bangalore. Generally it takes around 20 minutes to travel a distance of 2 kms within the city limits. More traffic also means more road accidents. I walk around 2 kms daily from my home to office. And in a span of 7 days, I am a witness to at least one accident, unfortunately.

A day ago, I just saw a young woman (well-dressed, indicating that she was working) sitting on the road, grimacing with pain. Apparently, a 2-wheeler had just hit her, though not severely, seconds ago. I think she was hit on her leg as she was holding her leg with both hands. She did not seem to be seriously injured at all, but she was not getting up. I thought of helping her, and took a step towards her. And then following thoughts crossed my mind:

1. What will she think?

(In India, if a man approaches a woman, it is not taken with a good node by the people around. They immediately jump to conclusion that the man is trying to attract/impress/flirt with the girl. This prompts the women to evade any approach by a man, even if it is for a good purpose.)

2. What will others think?

(I always think of myself as a person who does not bother what others have to say, if I know that I am on the right path. Today it proved to be false. I do think what others think about me. I know that I need to come out of this groove; I will definitely work towards it.)

3. Will I have to shell-out some money if I take her to hospital, even for a superficial check-up?

(Money is a constraint for me these days. But I hope this can change over time when I can afford to help other financially in a similar situation.)

4. Can I explain her that I am there to help her & mean no harm?

(I am not a native of Bangalore & do not know the local language. And it will need some effort to learn it. Right now its not a high priority for me as I am concentrating more on my career.)

Above thoughts clouded my mind so much that I retraced my steps and continued on my way to office. There was one question; however which was answered by me:

What would have I done if the woman was my sister?

I know I could have gone ahead and help the person. But looks like I am yet to evolve…

Do we use the dust-bin?

A couple of months ago, I had gone to attend marriage of my cousin sister. She lives in a small village located in the state of Uttar Pradesh. There is nothing special to mention about the marriage ceremony. If you know the traditions followed in atypical Hindu marriage, the same were repeated here too. But I noticed something that made me write this post.

The dinner was served in a huge hall, having a capacity of more than 1000 people. It was a buffet system, where the guests could go to any food-item they wanted (around 40 items were up to be gobbled), and take any quantity they wished. As some of the food-items were served in paper/plastic-plates, dust-bins were placed at many places in the hall so that after use, these plates, cups can be thrown into them.

The dinner started around 7 p.m. As I was busy with the other arrangements, I could enter the dining-hall only around 9 p.m. And I felt sad with what I saw. Most of the plastic-plates, cups and spoons were just thrown on the ground, all over the place. And to my astonishment, the dust-bins were empty except for a couple of used plates. People had not bothered to go near the dust-bins and used them. They just threw these things where-ever they stood and ate. And this made the area near the food-counters even more dirty than the rest, as people ate, threw, ate and threw again, all in one place. Worse, many people had thrown tumblers filled with water, and that had made the floor slippery in many places. And I saw around, it continued to happen with people eating around me.

I just wonder do we really need dust-bins in our society? Already we know the state of cleanliness of public places in India. And there has been a big hue & cry over this issue for a long time now.

It is truly said: Charity starts at home. Next time when we go to a public-place eg a restaurant, can we ensure that we do not make the place dirty? This is irrespective of the hotel-staff that has the duty to keep the place clean. Can we ensure that when we throw some trash, we throw it only in dustbin? That too not trying to throw it from too far, but going near putting it? And in case if it falls out, not hesitating to bend down, pick it up, and put it in the bin again?

To put in other words, can we make the work of health & hygiene workers a bit easier?

Our mentality

Last week I was traveling by a local bus to reach my office. Our bus reached a cross-section of the roads when it had to stop due to traffic. It was a bit unusual delay in the bus to proceed further, as that junction is not known for any traffic jams whatsoever. Then, one vehicle in front of our bus took a u-turn and went back. Seeing this happening, many passengers in our bus thought there might be some accident that was the root cause of the trouble. Many of them stood up from their seats and craned their necks outside the bus windows to know actually what has happened. It was evident from the reactions on their faces that they were not able to se anything wrong on the road ahead, which was jammed by many vehicles in front of us. After a minute or so, our bus started moving, and it drew nearer to the point where the accident was supposed to have taken place. Almost all passengers were now peeking out of the windows to get a glimpse of the accident. And as we crossed the spot, there was no accident. The jam was caused by a huge lorry that had taken a wrong turn, and now its driver was trying to reverse it so that he can take it into the right direction.

I was happy that that there was no unfortunate incident that had happened on the road. But the disappointment on the faces of fellow-passengers drew my attention. People were disappointed that they did not get any subject on which they could gossip later with their friends.

I wonder as to what has happened to our mentality. Are we so irrational that we care more for something that will make us center of attraction when we narrate the accident that we saw on the road, than thanking God that there has been no untoward happening around us. Lately it has been a matter of discussion in the philosophical circles as to why people are more attracted towards bad news in a newspaper than good news. My observation is only another proof as to that this is indeed happening.

You may ask, how will change? Or, will it change after all? I have faith that this mentality of ours will change. I do not know how long will it take. I wish I knew how this change will take place.