'Am I egoistic?'

It was written all across his face that he was very happy. Vinod emptied the glass of water and then asked him, “I can tell by looking at your face that something has happened & now you are at truce with Sudha. Am I right?”

Ganesh sighed. “Yes. You are too good a psychologist. It was a bit of problem which we resolved finally. The last week’s fight was very bad. We were sleeping in separate rooms. And we were not on talking terms too. She prepared breakfast & lunch for me in the morning and then entered the bathroom, and won’t come out till I leave for office. When I come in the evening, food will be on the table, she will be sleeping in her room. But finally we started to miss each other. Yesterday I bought her favourite ice-cream, went to her room. She was pretending to sleep. But I forcefully woke her up, and gave the ice-cream. And rest is history. We apologised to each other and the same good old days are back now.”

“Good to hear that. I did not like your sullen & unshaven face last week” laughed Vinod.

“But I don’t understand one thing Vinod” Ganesh said. “I love Sudha more than my life. We have been married for many months now. We do have our small misunderstandings. But the day this misunderstanding came up, I started hating her. After our fight, she went to the living room to watch TV. She was watching her favourite comedy serial, and was laughing at those silly jokes made by the actors. But I was feeling very jealous inside myself. Seeing her laugh was making my blood boil. I wished that power goes off, or our TV goes out of order and she is not able to watch the serial. I wanted her to keep crying till she comes back to me. Similarly, when she was talking to the neighbour in the evening, she was enjoying her time. I just wanted to bash both their faces at that time. But after we made up last night, I wonder how could I have such ghastly thoughts about her? After all, I love her.”

Vinod continued to sip his juice as he smiled at Ganesh. “You mean you wished ill for Sudha when both of you were fighting?”

“Yes. Very much. And I am ashamed of it. Do you think I love her?”

“Tell me one thing” Vinod asked. “Whose was guilty of the argument? Was it your mistake or hers?”

“How does it matter Vinod? We apologised to each other & we are happy now. Everything has been forgiven.”

“Who apologised first? You or her?”

“It was me, “Ganesh said. “I took the ice-cream to her and said that I was sorry. She immediately responded by saying sorry.”

“You said sorry first even though it was not necessarily your mistake. Am I right?”

“Yes. May be I was wrong. May be not. But both of us apologised to each other.”

“Then you love her. No doubt about it. Love requires swallowing ones ego. You did that, though it was after few days. You love her. And she said sorry immediately after you apologised. So she loves you too.”

“Then why did I think of hurting her?”

“Ego.”

“Ego?”

“Yes ego. After you fought, it was your ego which demanded that Sudha cannot be happy without you. It wanted to hurt her. It always wants you to feel important. It wants to prove that you are such an important person in her life that she cannot remain happy even for a moment without you. It wanted to cut-off all other sources of her happiness, so that she depends only upon you for her happiness.”

“So you mean I am egoistic?”

“We all are, to some degree.”

“But just now you told I swallowed my ego? And proved that I really love her..!”

“Yes. You were egoistic when you thought of hurting her. Ego blinds us more than love. That’s why, even though you love Sudha, you wanted TV or the neighbour to go away. But later, love overcame ego. You decided to apologise. You took the first step. Love triumphed over ego.”

“I see...My God! I never thought that way” Ganesh said.

“You will get it. Think about it. When we love somebody we always say, ‘your happiness is my happiness’. Don’t we? But what happens when we fight or argue? Isn’t other’s happiness not our happiness at that point too? It is.”

“Then what happens?”

“Always remember, if 2 people, who say they love each other are having a fight, watch for the one who starts shouting first. When he starts shouting, his ego has overcome his love for the other person. The other person will not shout till his ego is hurt by the shouting from the first one.

“So you mean to say I need to overcome my ego?”

“You already did once. Next time, let it not take few days, but few hours. And going forward let it be few minutes.”

“You are right. Then I will not have to suffer so much.”

“I don’t know, who among you shouted first, and whose mistake was it overall. But I know, Sudha is lucky to have you as life-partner. You will ensure that the relationship lasts long.”

“Thanks Vinod” Ganesh chuckled.

“Still I wonder Ganesh. Why did not she approach you first to apologise?”

“...........”



(Based on a true incident.)