How to get help requests in the areas of your strength

Last week I had an opportunity to watch a video entitled "The Fulcrum Effect" by Rajesh Setty. It turned out to be not just a relaxation from routine work, but also a virtual classroom where I learnt quite a few lessons.

Amongst other points that Rajesh makes in the video, one that I found very unique was "How to get help requests in the areas of your strength, & how to say 'no' to people who ask you for help in areas in which you are not strong". He elucidates that a lot of research has been done to find out as to what is the best way to say 'no' to such requests, and there are 5 steps in which 'no' can be said.


1. Acknowledge the request: Get the confirmation as to in which area you are being asked for help. Ensure that help is not being asked in the area of your strength.

Example: If your friend asks you to review the manuscript of the book he plans to publish, then confirm whether he wants you to do just the proof-reading, or more than that.

2. Refuse politely: Say "No" in plain and simple words: "Sorry, I can't do that."

3. Explain: Give explanation as to why you can't help the person. Be truthful.

Example: Tell your friend that you are not a writer, and hence not suitable for the job.

4. Provide options: Give the person another source from where he/she can get the help.

Example: Refer your friend to someone else you know who has a good reputation for his/her writing skills.

5. State your area of strength: Inform the requester about the area in which you welcome requests for help.

Example: Tell your friend that if he wanted help in making a presentation, you would be glad to help.

If you follow the above steps, you not only empower yourself to use your time more productively, but also benefit others.

(a) You don't waste your time doing something that you are not good at.
(b) You inform your friend about the areas of your strength. This way, he will come to you when he needs help in those areas. You will then work in those areas, and become even more stronger.
(c) Your friend finds the right source for the help he requires.
(d) The person who helps your friend becomes stronger in the area of his strength.
(e) Your friendship does not suffer even though you did not help your friend.

The video has many more such insights, and it is highly recommended for everybody. The DVD is available here.

A stranger hurt on the road...

Traffic is one of the most spoken-about problems in Bangalore. Generally it takes around 20 minutes to travel a distance of 2 kms within the city limits. More traffic also means more road accidents. I walk around 2 kms daily from my home to office. And in a span of 7 days, I am a witness to at least one accident, unfortunately.

A day ago, I just saw a young woman (well-dressed, indicating that she was working) sitting on the road, grimacing with pain. Apparently, a 2-wheeler had just hit her, though not severely, seconds ago. I think she was hit on her leg as she was holding her leg with both hands. She did not seem to be seriously injured at all, but she was not getting up. I thought of helping her, and took a step towards her. And then following thoughts crossed my mind:

1. What will she think?

(In India, if a man approaches a woman, it is not taken with a good node by the people around. They immediately jump to conclusion that the man is trying to attract/impress/flirt with the girl. This prompts the women to evade any approach by a man, even if it is for a good purpose.)

2. What will others think?

(I always think of myself as a person who does not bother what others have to say, if I know that I am on the right path. Today it proved to be false. I do think what others think about me. I know that I need to come out of this groove; I will definitely work towards it.)

3. Will I have to shell-out some money if I take her to hospital, even for a superficial check-up?

(Money is a constraint for me these days. But I hope this can change over time when I can afford to help other financially in a similar situation.)

4. Can I explain her that I am there to help her & mean no harm?

(I am not a native of Bangalore & do not know the local language. And it will need some effort to learn it. Right now its not a high priority for me as I am concentrating more on my career.)

Above thoughts clouded my mind so much that I retraced my steps and continued on my way to office. There was one question; however which was answered by me:

What would have I done if the woman was my sister?

I know I could have gone ahead and help the person. But looks like I am yet to evolve…

Quotes worth citing #4

Recently I was reading a book Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. The book has a lots of quotations that makes us think, and if dwelt in deep, can change our life. I wish to list those quotations that have had an deep effect on me.

Many times we are caught in a dilemma. Think of those moments when you were saying one of the following statements to yourself.

"Do I make the choice #1, or choice #2?"
"I want to do this, but I am compelled, by external factors, to do that".
"My head says one thing, and my heart another. What should I follow?"

And at the end of it all, you made a choice, lets say choice #1. But did you ever think what was the final factor that made you decide to take the choice #1? It was nothing but love. You love the people/tasks/results that were affected by the choice #1 more than the those affected by choice #2.

Mitch Albom describes this point in the following beautiful way:

Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something that hurts you, yet you know it should not. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. Life is like a wrestling match.

What wins in the end?

Love wins. Love always wins in the end.