Are we being made immune to help-requests?

Last week, I was in market with my colleague. As we were walking along the road, an old lady approached us and asked whether we could speak Telugu language. My colleague replied in positive. The following is the conversation that took place between both of them:

Woman: Can you help me?

Colleague: Yes, tell me aunt.

W: I have come from Vijayawada with my son & daughter-in-law. I had Rs. 4,000 with me. After coming here, both of them took the money on some purpose, and went away. They have not come back. I believe they have cheated me out of money. I only have Rs. 100 with me and want to go to Vijayawada. Can you help me?

Though I am not fluent in telegu, I could understand what the woman said. I alerted my colleague in english to not to give her money before verifying the truth.

C: Aunt, there is a temple near-by. You can go there and enquire because they do help the people who are in-need.

W: No, no. They wont help me. You can, however, help me by giving the bus-fare amount.

C: No, aunt. The temple-priest will help you. Go, and approach them.

W: GO TO HELL.


It was not for the first time when I have been a witness to such an incident. I have been fooled earlier a earlier by a phony story, and many of my aquantances too have similar incidents to narrate.

The amount of money that is lost in such cases is not much. However, there is a concern here. Such incidents makes us immune /insensitive to the requests that call for genuine help. And, I don't know what will happen to me when I am in need of genuine help in middle of the road. Will anybody stop to listen?

Helping a stranger -3

I have written about my encounters with strangers very often. This is another one in the chain. All of these encounters are similar in nature, where the person wanted some help, and the following one is no different.

I was walking after leaving the office, and then suddenly this man stopped me. He was well dressed, around 30, and had a confident air around him. He told me that his pocket had been picked earlier in the day, and he had no money to go ahead. He needed to go to the Main Bus Stand in Bangalore (fondly called as ‘Majestic’ by the local people here), and from there he wishes to go to his home. He also told that he was an IT professional, working in a well-known company, and he will return my money.

The story was OK so far. But when he asked me to give Rs. 60 for the fare, I was a bit surprised. I told him that if he needed to go to Majestic, he needed just Rs. 10 as bus-fare. And if he wishes to go somewhere else from Majestic, still the bus-fare will not exceed more then another Rs.10. So, I gave him Rs. 20 as the total bus-fare for his journey. He thanked me & moved on his way. I moved ahead on my path. And then it struck me!

He had told that he had lost his identity card too. In Bangalore, most of the companies issue identity card so big, that it will not fit into a wallet. Secondly, most of the employees wear the identity card at home before starting to office, and take it out only after they are back at home at the end of the day. There was no way this man would have lost his identity card. So, I concluded, his entire story was phoney.

And at last, I concluded, I have been cheated by him ………………..of Rs 20.

A stranger hurt on the road...

Traffic is one of the most spoken-about problems in Bangalore. Generally it takes around 20 minutes to travel a distance of 2 kms within the city limits. More traffic also means more road accidents. I walk around 2 kms daily from my home to office. And in a span of 7 days, I am a witness to at least one accident, unfortunately.

A day ago, I just saw a young woman (well-dressed, indicating that she was working) sitting on the road, grimacing with pain. Apparently, a 2-wheeler had just hit her, though not severely, seconds ago. I think she was hit on her leg as she was holding her leg with both hands. She did not seem to be seriously injured at all, but she was not getting up. I thought of helping her, and took a step towards her. And then following thoughts crossed my mind:

1. What will she think?

(In India, if a man approaches a woman, it is not taken with a good node by the people around. They immediately jump to conclusion that the man is trying to attract/impress/flirt with the girl. This prompts the women to evade any approach by a man, even if it is for a good purpose.)

2. What will others think?

(I always think of myself as a person who does not bother what others have to say, if I know that I am on the right path. Today it proved to be false. I do think what others think about me. I know that I need to come out of this groove; I will definitely work towards it.)

3. Will I have to shell-out some money if I take her to hospital, even for a superficial check-up?

(Money is a constraint for me these days. But I hope this can change over time when I can afford to help other financially in a similar situation.)

4. Can I explain her that I am there to help her & mean no harm?

(I am not a native of Bangalore & do not know the local language. And it will need some effort to learn it. Right now its not a high priority for me as I am concentrating more on my career.)

Above thoughts clouded my mind so much that I retraced my steps and continued on my way to office. There was one question; however which was answered by me:

What would have I done if the woman was my sister?

I know I could have gone ahead and help the person. But looks like I am yet to evolve…

Helping a stranger -2

I have the habit of walking to my office from home in the morning, and back in the evening. I enjoy this as not only this gives some exercise after continuously sitting in my chair for hours, but also gives me solid 30 minutes when I am alone, & can reflect on my actions at the end of the day, and plan for the next day.

Two weeks ago as I was walking to my home in the evening, I heard a couple asking the passers-by whether he/she can understand Hindi or Marathi language. (Bangalore's local language is Kannada.) Since I knew Hindi, I stopped and asked them what is the problem.

The man told that he came to visit Bangalore with his family (which included his wife, child, and his father). His father is not mentally sound, and during the day time, he got down at some bus-stop while they were travelling in a local bus. Unfortunately, the money that they were carrying is in the bag that is carried by father. So now they were penniless, and were hungry. He asked whether I can arrange for their dinner.

As is my nature, I took pity on them and I told them to follow me to the near-by restaurant. I decided to spend around Rs.50-60 (US $ 1-1.5) for the dinner of the entire family. As we were walking, the man said it will be a greater help to them if I could sponsor their bus-fare, because ultimately they will need that. Without giving much thought, I gave them Rs.100 (US $2). That will not be enough for them, but I could not afford more than that.

As I walked to my house, I was still wondering whether it was a right thing to do.

The real surprise came next day evening. At the same spot where I had found the couple, I saw another couple asking the same questions to the passing-by people. Again I stopped to listen to them. The story was pretty similar, only thing that was different was that this time they had lost their money by the way of a pick-pocket. I was not sure whether the story was true. This couple too asked me for food. This time I decided not to give them cash. I took them to a near-by restaurant, bought the food-coupons worth Rs. 60, and then handed over to them.

As I walked home, I felt slightly better than the previous day.

Next day I discussed these 2 incidents with my colleagues. And to my utter dismay, I was told that there is a gang of people who collect money in this manner. And, some of my colleagues did fall prey to them as I did...

Helping a stranger

Recently I was waiting at a bus stop to go to the near-by market. My eyes caught a person who was also waiting there. Let us call him Ram. He was wearing a white shirt, and dark grey trousers. His facial expression told that he was not very happy at the moment. He looked worried, and he did not care to settle his ruffled hair. As I was watching him, a Santro arrived at the bus-stop, and stopped a few feet ahead of the man. I could not see who the people inside the car were as the dark glasses were rolled up. After few moments, the car door opened and a passenger handed some money to Ram. From what I could make out, they were few notes of Rs.10 denomination. Ram put them in his pocket, and the car went away. Ram now looked at me, and saw me watching him. He came to me, and we had a conversation. I do not know the language that he spoke, but still could make out what he was saying.

He told that he was a student from a near-by town, and had come to attend a job-interview. Somebody picked his pocket and he lost entire money that he was carrying. He had no means to go back home. He only had few rupees with him now that he got few moments ago in front of my eyes. He asked can I help him.

Now I have had more than one encounter like this in the city of Bangalore. Almost every time I have given away some amount, max up to Rs. 100. But I was never convinced that my money was actually being put to the use for which it was meant. So, on this occasion, I declined help to Ram.

Ram walked away, moving his limbs in utter display of frustration. I watched him, wondering whether should I call him back and give him some money. At that moment, the bus for which I was waiting arrived, and I boarded it. As the bus moved, I could still see Ram, his worried face, unsure of the near future. May be I should have helped him.

After this incident I did notice one thing. Even after declining help to Ram, I was not convinced whether I had done the right thing.

Lending money to a stranger

Few days ago, as I was going to my colleagues house for a dinner invitation I was stopped by a man riding a scooter. He took out his helmet, and asked me can I help him. I wondered what can I do. Here is the rest of the conversation.

"Hey, I just need to buy some petrol from the nearest petrol-bunk. Can you help me?"
"Yes, I know the nearest petrol-bunk."
"No man. Can you help me to buy this much petrol?" he said indicating with his hand as if he wanted just a pinch of petrol.

I thought for a moment. I had little over Rs.200 (US$ 4) with me. In India, 1 litre of petrol costs Rs. 50. How much could I help him? Still I climbed on the pillion seat.

It was just 5 minutes ride. On the way I learnt that he had been riding on a busy road, when suddenly police stopped him and asked him for his papers. He did not have them on his hand, and had to pay quite a good sum as fine. Now he did not have even a penny, and will not be able to reach his home with the amount of petrol left in his scooter.

As we came to the petrol bunk, I handed him a Rs.100 note. He asked for more, and then I showed him my wallet containing the other one. Before taking leave he took my phone number, telling that he will call me the next day and pay me back. I trusted him and did not take his contact details.

I am still waiting for his call after 2 weeks.

I always try to learn from the incidents that happen around me. But I wonder what I had to learn from this one. Should I take the contact address from those whom I lend money from now on, however small sum it may be? Or should I stop trusting starngers with money?