My friend Priyadharshini sent me an article entitled "Am I with the right partner?" The article has some important insights.
A google search found me links to the blogs where this article has been already published. Hence I do not wish to publish it again, but will highlight the two important lessons that the article aims to teach.
1. Love in relationship is a "decision"... not just a feeling.
This sentence may contradict the myth of 'love-at-first-sight', but it is very true. When we fall in love with a person, we decide to ignore his/her short-comings. That's why, "love is blind".
2. The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.
Yes, nobody ever finds the ideal partner in life (it happens only on TV). We learn to adjust with the one whom we have found.
The article can be read here.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Quotes on life
My friend Vikas recently sent me few quotes, which I found to be very inspiring. These quotes make one accept the reality & help prepare for tough times that everyone inevitably goes through in life.
Though most of these quotes are very popular, it is worth reading them once again & assure ourselves that whatever we are doing, we are on our journey to achieve the goal that we have set for ourselves.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Success:
Without your involvement you can't succeed. With your involvement you can't fail.
What is the secret of Success... ?
"Right Decisions"
How do you make Right Decisions... ?
"Through Experience"
How do you get Experience.. . ?
"While making wrong decisions in the past..! “
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Strength:
If you know the strength and patience, welcome the company of trees.
- Hal Borland
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Actions:
You are not responsible for what people think about you. But you are responsible for what you give them to think about you.
-Stanley Ferrard
Don't make promise when you are in Joy . Don't reply when you are Sad. Don't take decisions when you are Angry.
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Happiness:
The happiest people do not necessarily have the best of all. They simply appreciate what they find on their way.
Write your Sad times in Sand. Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw
Easy to receive. Difficult to give.
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Love:
It's better to lose your Ego to the one you Love, than to lose the one you Love because of Ego.
-John Keats
Easy to say we love. Difficult to demonstrate it every day.
A man is lucky if he is the first love of a Woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man.
- Charles Dickens
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Though most of these quotes are very popular, it is worth reading them once again & assure ourselves that whatever we are doing, we are on our journey to achieve the goal that we have set for ourselves.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Success:
Without your involvement you can't succeed. With your involvement you can't fail.
What is the secret of Success... ?
"Right Decisions"
How do you make Right Decisions... ?
"Through Experience"
How do you get Experience.. . ?
"While making wrong decisions in the past..! “
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Strength:
If you know the strength and patience, welcome the company of trees.
- Hal Borland
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Actions:
You are not responsible for what people think about you. But you are responsible for what you give them to think about you.
-Stanley Ferrard
Don't make promise when you are in Joy . Don't reply when you are Sad. Don't take decisions when you are Angry.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Happiness:
The happiest people do not necessarily have the best of all. They simply appreciate what they find on their way.
Write your Sad times in Sand. Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw
Easy to receive. Difficult to give.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love:
It's better to lose your Ego to the one you Love, than to lose the one you Love because of Ego.
-John Keats
Easy to say we love. Difficult to demonstrate it every day.
A man is lucky if he is the first love of a Woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man.
- Charles Dickens
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday, March 20, 2009
Why we shout when we are angry?
I received the following gem from my sister Meenu. This is a great reading.
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Another answer came, ' By shouting we let out our frustration.'
But the saint was not satisfied. Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'
The saint continued, 'What happens when two people are in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small... 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Another answer came, ' By shouting we let out our frustration.'
But the saint was not satisfied. Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'
The saint continued, 'What happens when two people are in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small... 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
Monday, March 09, 2009
'Am I egoistic?'
It was written all across his face that he was very happy. Vinod emptied the glass of water and then asked him, “I can tell by looking at your face that something has happened & now you are at truce with Sudha. Am I right?”
Ganesh sighed. “Yes. You are too good a psychologist. It was a bit of problem which we resolved finally. The last week’s fight was very bad. We were sleeping in separate rooms. And we were not on talking terms too. She prepared breakfast & lunch for me in the morning and then entered the bathroom, and won’t come out till I leave for office. When I come in the evening, food will be on the table, she will be sleeping in her room. But finally we started to miss each other. Yesterday I bought her favourite ice-cream, went to her room. She was pretending to sleep. But I forcefully woke her up, and gave the ice-cream. And rest is history. We apologised to each other and the same good old days are back now.”
“Good to hear that. I did not like your sullen & unshaven face last week” laughed Vinod.
“But I don’t understand one thing Vinod” Ganesh said. “I love Sudha more than my life. We have been married for many months now. We do have our small misunderstandings. But the day this misunderstanding came up, I started hating her. After our fight, she went to the living room to watch TV. She was watching her favourite comedy serial, and was laughing at those silly jokes made by the actors. But I was feeling very jealous inside myself. Seeing her laugh was making my blood boil. I wished that power goes off, or our TV goes out of order and she is not able to watch the serial. I wanted her to keep crying till she comes back to me. Similarly, when she was talking to the neighbour in the evening, she was enjoying her time. I just wanted to bash both their faces at that time. But after we made up last night, I wonder how could I have such ghastly thoughts about her? After all, I love her.”
Vinod continued to sip his juice as he smiled at Ganesh. “You mean you wished ill for Sudha when both of you were fighting?”
“Yes. Very much. And I am ashamed of it. Do you think I love her?”
“Tell me one thing” Vinod asked. “Whose was guilty of the argument? Was it your mistake or hers?”
“How does it matter Vinod? We apologised to each other & we are happy now. Everything has been forgiven.”
“Who apologised first? You or her?”
“It was me, “Ganesh said. “I took the ice-cream to her and said that I was sorry. She immediately responded by saying sorry.”
“You said sorry first even though it was not necessarily your mistake. Am I right?”
“Yes. May be I was wrong. May be not. But both of us apologised to each other.”
“Then you love her. No doubt about it. Love requires swallowing ones ego. You did that, though it was after few days. You love her. And she said sorry immediately after you apologised. So she loves you too.”
“Then why did I think of hurting her?”
“Ego.”
“Ego?”
“Yes ego. After you fought, it was your ego which demanded that Sudha cannot be happy without you. It wanted to hurt her. It always wants you to feel important. It wants to prove that you are such an important person in her life that she cannot remain happy even for a moment without you. It wanted to cut-off all other sources of her happiness, so that she depends only upon you for her happiness.”
“So you mean I am egoistic?”
“We all are, to some degree.”
“But just now you told I swallowed my ego? And proved that I really love her..!”
“Yes. You were egoistic when you thought of hurting her. Ego blinds us more than love. That’s why, even though you love Sudha, you wanted TV or the neighbour to go away. But later, love overcame ego. You decided to apologise. You took the first step. Love triumphed over ego.”
“I see...My God! I never thought that way” Ganesh said.
“You will get it. Think about it. When we love somebody we always say, ‘your happiness is my happiness’. Don’t we? But what happens when we fight or argue? Isn’t other’s happiness not our happiness at that point too? It is.”
“Then what happens?”
“Always remember, if 2 people, who say they love each other are having a fight, watch for the one who starts shouting first. When he starts shouting, his ego has overcome his love for the other person. The other person will not shout till his ego is hurt by the shouting from the first one.
“So you mean to say I need to overcome my ego?”
“You already did once. Next time, let it not take few days, but few hours. And going forward let it be few minutes.”
“You are right. Then I will not have to suffer so much.”
“I don’t know, who among you shouted first, and whose mistake was it overall. But I know, Sudha is lucky to have you as life-partner. You will ensure that the relationship lasts long.”
“Thanks Vinod” Ganesh chuckled.
“Still I wonder Ganesh. Why did not she approach you first to apologise?”
“...........”
(Based on a true incident.)
Ganesh sighed. “Yes. You are too good a psychologist. It was a bit of problem which we resolved finally. The last week’s fight was very bad. We were sleeping in separate rooms. And we were not on talking terms too. She prepared breakfast & lunch for me in the morning and then entered the bathroom, and won’t come out till I leave for office. When I come in the evening, food will be on the table, she will be sleeping in her room. But finally we started to miss each other. Yesterday I bought her favourite ice-cream, went to her room. She was pretending to sleep. But I forcefully woke her up, and gave the ice-cream. And rest is history. We apologised to each other and the same good old days are back now.”
“Good to hear that. I did not like your sullen & unshaven face last week” laughed Vinod.
“But I don’t understand one thing Vinod” Ganesh said. “I love Sudha more than my life. We have been married for many months now. We do have our small misunderstandings. But the day this misunderstanding came up, I started hating her. After our fight, she went to the living room to watch TV. She was watching her favourite comedy serial, and was laughing at those silly jokes made by the actors. But I was feeling very jealous inside myself. Seeing her laugh was making my blood boil. I wished that power goes off, or our TV goes out of order and she is not able to watch the serial. I wanted her to keep crying till she comes back to me. Similarly, when she was talking to the neighbour in the evening, she was enjoying her time. I just wanted to bash both their faces at that time. But after we made up last night, I wonder how could I have such ghastly thoughts about her? After all, I love her.”
Vinod continued to sip his juice as he smiled at Ganesh. “You mean you wished ill for Sudha when both of you were fighting?”
“Yes. Very much. And I am ashamed of it. Do you think I love her?”
“Tell me one thing” Vinod asked. “Whose was guilty of the argument? Was it your mistake or hers?”
“How does it matter Vinod? We apologised to each other & we are happy now. Everything has been forgiven.”
“Who apologised first? You or her?”
“It was me, “Ganesh said. “I took the ice-cream to her and said that I was sorry. She immediately responded by saying sorry.”
“You said sorry first even though it was not necessarily your mistake. Am I right?”
“Yes. May be I was wrong. May be not. But both of us apologised to each other.”
“Then you love her. No doubt about it. Love requires swallowing ones ego. You did that, though it was after few days. You love her. And she said sorry immediately after you apologised. So she loves you too.”
“Then why did I think of hurting her?”
“Ego.”
“Ego?”
“Yes ego. After you fought, it was your ego which demanded that Sudha cannot be happy without you. It wanted to hurt her. It always wants you to feel important. It wants to prove that you are such an important person in her life that she cannot remain happy even for a moment without you. It wanted to cut-off all other sources of her happiness, so that she depends only upon you for her happiness.”
“So you mean I am egoistic?”
“We all are, to some degree.”
“But just now you told I swallowed my ego? And proved that I really love her..!”
“Yes. You were egoistic when you thought of hurting her. Ego blinds us more than love. That’s why, even though you love Sudha, you wanted TV or the neighbour to go away. But later, love overcame ego. You decided to apologise. You took the first step. Love triumphed over ego.”
“I see...My God! I never thought that way” Ganesh said.
“You will get it. Think about it. When we love somebody we always say, ‘your happiness is my happiness’. Don’t we? But what happens when we fight or argue? Isn’t other’s happiness not our happiness at that point too? It is.”
“Then what happens?”
“Always remember, if 2 people, who say they love each other are having a fight, watch for the one who starts shouting first. When he starts shouting, his ego has overcome his love for the other person. The other person will not shout till his ego is hurt by the shouting from the first one.
“So you mean to say I need to overcome my ego?”
“You already did once. Next time, let it not take few days, but few hours. And going forward let it be few minutes.”
“You are right. Then I will not have to suffer so much.”
“I don’t know, who among you shouted first, and whose mistake was it overall. But I know, Sudha is lucky to have you as life-partner. You will ensure that the relationship lasts long.”
“Thanks Vinod” Ganesh chuckled.
“Still I wonder Ganesh. Why did not she approach you first to apologise?”
“...........”
(Based on a true incident.)
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Is it casual relationship, or is it love?
In love, we are decieved may times. We think that certain person loves us, but he/she actually does not. Or, we may think that we have no more than just a casul relationship with him/her, but actually it is much more than that. Is there any way to know how much we love a person?
I received the following quote from one sister of mine. It is very relevant, & it is a very high probability that we all have experienced this at least once so far in our lives:
And ever has it been, that love knows not its own depth, until the hour of separation.
Just stay away from the person in question. Do not see his face, do not speak to him, even on the phone, throughout the day. And check your feelings in the evening. If you feel sad, you definitely love the person, irrespective of how much you deny it.
I received the following quote from one sister of mine. It is very relevant, & it is a very high probability that we all have experienced this at least once so far in our lives:
And ever has it been, that love knows not its own depth, until the hour of separation.
Just stay away from the person in question. Do not see his face, do not speak to him, even on the phone, throughout the day. And check your feelings in the evening. If you feel sad, you definitely love the person, irrespective of how much you deny it.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Quotes worth citing #7
Here is another gem from the book Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom.
Ever wondered what is most important act that you can do to make a vast difference to somebody else' life? You may come out with your own list, which may include:
1. Giving financial help when someone is almost bankrupt and needs it badly.
2. Donating blood/kidney to somebody and bring him back to life.
3. Giving someone a break that may make his career.
.....& so on.
I am more interested in the rationale behind these actions. If you have done any of the above act or a similar one, did you expect something in return? Most probably your answer will be 'no'. Ever wondered why is that? When you are undertaking such an action, which may affect even your life in some way, why do you not expect something back. Mitch Albom answers the question as following:
Ever wondered what is most important act that you can do to make a vast difference to somebody else' life? You may come out with your own list, which may include:
1. Giving financial help when someone is almost bankrupt and needs it badly.
2. Donating blood/kidney to somebody and bring him back to life.
3. Giving someone a break that may make his career.
.....& so on.
I am more interested in the rationale behind these actions. If you have done any of the above act or a similar one, did you expect something in return? Most probably your answer will be 'no'. Ever wondered why is that? When you are undertaking such an action, which may affect even your life in some way, why do you not expect something back. Mitch Albom answers the question as following:
Love is the only rational act.
True. Without love, none of these acts are possible. And if you have done so, you are definitely a rational person.Monday, February 26, 2007
Quotes worth citing #6
Continuing the quotes, here is another gem. I like it a lot because this one defines the way we should handle love.
We do acts of love, to show somebody how much we love him/her, and then we expect the person to reciprocate. We will have our own expectation. And the reciprocation may be different from what we expect. Then, what is our reaction?
For example, I give an expensive dress to my friend on his Birthday as a gift. Now, do I expect a similar dress from him on my birthday? Am I ready for anything else that he may try to give me? For example, a pocket-book, that may cost a fraction of the dress that I gave, but according to him, is the right gift for me. He may or may not know my taste, but that is a different matter altogether.
Its good to accept that token of love. I know what to give. But do I know how to take? The quote goes thus:
We do acts of love, to show somebody how much we love him/her, and then we expect the person to reciprocate. We will have our own expectation. And the reciprocation may be different from what we expect. Then, what is our reaction?
For example, I give an expensive dress to my friend on his Birthday as a gift. Now, do I expect a similar dress from him on my birthday? Am I ready for anything else that he may try to give me? For example, a pocket-book, that may cost a fraction of the dress that I gave, but according to him, is the right gift for me. He may or may not know my taste, but that is a different matter altogether.
Its good to accept that token of love. I know what to give. But do I know how to take? The quote goes thus:
The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and how to let it come in
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Quotes worth citing #5
Continuing with the quotes that I got from the book Tuesdays With Morrie , this quote deals with getting the meaning in life. It goes as follows:
The way to get meaning in your life is to devote yourself to loving others, to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
The above statement is pretty simple. We need to love others, to the people around others. Only the last part is catchy:...creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
The way to get meaning in your life is to devote yourself to loving others, to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
The above statement is pretty simple. We need to love others, to the people around others. Only the last part is catchy:...creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
What does that mean? Though I am no expert in philosophy, I feel that here is the space for working towards the personal goal. All of us do have a goal in our life that we wish to achieve. We have our own definition of success. And one day we want to be the embodiment of success that we have defined. According to Albom, that is also a part of finding fulfillment in our life.
There is one last point to note. Our self-defined success comes after loving the people, and the community around us.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Quotes worth citing #4
Recently I was reading a book Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. The book has a lots of quotations that makes us think, and if dwelt in deep, can change our life. I wish to list those quotations that have had an deep effect on me.
Many times we are caught in a dilemma. Think of those moments when you were saying one of the following statements to yourself.
"Do I make the choice #1, or choice #2?"
"I want to do this, but I am compelled, by external factors, to do that".
"My head says one thing, and my heart another. What should I follow?"
And at the end of it all, you made a choice, lets say choice #1. But did you ever think what was the final factor that made you decide to take the choice #1? It was nothing but love. You love the people/tasks/results that were affected by the choice #1 more than the those affected by choice #2.
Mitch Albom describes this point in the following beautiful way:
Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something that hurts you, yet you know it should not. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. Life is like a wrestling match.
What wins in the end?
Love wins. Love always wins in the end.
Many times we are caught in a dilemma. Think of those moments when you were saying one of the following statements to yourself.
"Do I make the choice #1, or choice #2?"
"I want to do this, but I am compelled, by external factors, to do that".
"My head says one thing, and my heart another. What should I follow?"
And at the end of it all, you made a choice, lets say choice #1. But did you ever think what was the final factor that made you decide to take the choice #1? It was nothing but love. You love the people/tasks/results that were affected by the choice #1 more than the those affected by choice #2.
Mitch Albom describes this point in the following beautiful way:
Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something that hurts you, yet you know it should not. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. Life is like a wrestling match.
What wins in the end?
Love wins. Love always wins in the end.
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