Waiting for a call that may come (Part 1)

It was Saturday evening, and the traffic on the road was not much. He reached the bus station, around 9 pm. He was scheduled to catch a bus to Tirupati. His ticket was booked for a luxury bus that was due to depart at 11:30 pm.

As he reached the bus station, he saw half a dozen buses already waiting to depart to Tirupati. Numerous bus-conductors were shouting to attract passengers to their respective buses. From far anyone would have thought that they were having an argument with each other. He smiled at this scene, politely refusing few conductors who asked him to get into their bus.

The buses were also of different types; some were with standard seats, which could be boarded with any prior reservation ; whereas others were luxury buses, have more comfortable seats, which could be pulled back to make you more comfortable. But traveling close to 6 hours in such buses was still a difficult task, as there is not much room for one to stretch his body.

It was time for dinner. Even as he wondered what to eat, he remembered what had happened earlier in the day. One of his sisters had offered to pack his dinner (rice & sambhar). He had refused the offer. But now he felt grateful to her for her concern. He sought out a small eatery, and ate the same items she had offered, thinking about her & praying for her well-being all the time.

He waited for the phone-call. He had had a conversation with his friend recently. His friend had expressed his thanks to him for the help that he had rendered to him. The friend also told him that he will call him soon. And, now, his friend may call him, ask him whether he had his dinner or not, whether he reached the bus-station in time or not, and so many other things. He knew that there was a possibility of his friend not calling him, but he waited.

He rested himself on a push-cart waiting for the bus. ‘Amazing place,’ he thought, ’Throughout the 24 hours, there is so much activity that it looks like people here never go to sleep.’ There was a big queue of the buses at the exit gate. For no apparent reason, the bus which was at the gate will stop & wait for more passengers. This would frustrate the other bus-drivers behind, and they will honk non-stop. And once that bus leaves, the one coming behind it will follow suit.

Even as he watched this commotion, he saw his bus arrive. He got into it, and confirmed his reservation with the conductor. Soon, he had settled down on his luxurious, push-back seat. The conductor informed him that the seat next to him is not booked by anybody. Even as he rejoiced over the extra space he now had to stretch himself during the long journey, an old man arrived and sat next to him. A casual conversation indicated that he had just boarded the bus, as it was less crowded compared to other buses, and had better seats. He realized that he had celebrated too early.

The bus took 30 minutes to break free out of the congested exit gate. His co-passenger had shifted to another seat, so that he could he could have the adjacent seat to himself . He closed his eyes as the bus sped through the minimal traffic of the city. And he still waited for the call. His friend would ask him whether he caught the bus or not. Was he feeling cold? Did he have a good-enough blanket to cover himself at night? Is the seat comfortable enough to sleep?

(To be continued...)

Childhood Dreams (Continuation from my previous post)

As I mentioned in my previous post, all the attendees had listed down the lessons that they had learned from the Randy Pausch video. This was just the first part of the session. In a consecutive session, that was held following week, the attendees were asked to write down their childhood dreams. The coordinator then listed out the passions that are hidden behind those dreams. Then the participants were divided into pairs. Each individual in a pair had to ask the following questions from his/her partner.

• What was your childhood dream?
• Which passion did the dream drive? (Select from the list given)
• Are you still passionate about your dream?
• If no, what are you passionate about today?
• What are you doing to bring your dream to become a reality?

Once everybody had the answers from his/her partner, they were asked to speak about it to the audience. In addition to the above questions, they were asked to answer two more questions:

• What have you learned so far in your journey to fulfill your dream?
• How can your employer help you in achieving your dream?

As the participants started speaking about their dreams, everybody started listening, and joined the discussion as to how the organization could help in achieving them. Participants also pointed out some reasons as to why no progress was ever made in realizing some of the dreams:

1. Some dreams were not structured and properly defined. For example, one participant said that his dream was to see heaven while still alive. He was asked whether he has defined what heaven means to him.

2. Some dreams were already realized but the dreamer himself did not know it. For example, one participant wanted to become a scientist, as he wanted to invent something new and useful to mankind. Then he was reminded that he had already developed a process within the organization that is being used by many and as it increased their productivity.

Participants also realized as to how they can help each other to achieve their childhood dreams. The management team too made note as to what the employees want to achieve and promised that appropriate opportunities will be provided for them.

In all, the session was a success.

Do you remember your childhood dreams? Are you still passionate about them? Share them with your manager. May be he too can help you out to achieve them.

Ask others what they have learnt

In my company, we have a program called "Wissendock" ('wissen' in german means knowledge). This session acts as a platform for the employees to enhance their knowledge in various dimensions, including carreer, personality development, technology etc. Experts from various fields are also invited on a regular basis to our premises to share their thoughts and perspectives. The program has been a success since its inception, and employees look forward eagerly to this weekly session.

Last week we had a screening of the video of a speech,"Achieving Your Childhood Dreams", delivered by Randy Pausch. During the lecture, Randy speaks about the dreams that he had as a child, and how he set about achieving each one of them.

We have had many Wissendock sessions. But rarely we asked each other what they had learnt. So this time we went one step further. At the end of the session, all the attendees were asked to share what they had learnt from the video. Most of us were able to capture only one or two tips from the video. But when we listed the lessons learned by everybody, everyone was able to take back much more with him/her.

There were many notable lessons that the attendees pointed out. But one lesson that I took away was:

"Always ask people what they learned during the session. They may point out something critical that I might have missed. In this way I leverage the attention that they have paid to the speaker."

More on the lessons learnt in next post.

Love in relationship is a "decision"

My friend Priyadharshini sent me an article entitled "Am I with the right partner?" The article has some important insights.

A google search found me links to the blogs where this article has been already published. Hence I do not wish to publish it again, but will highlight the two important lessons that the article aims to teach.

1. Love in relationship is a "decision"... not just a feeling.

This sentence may contradict the myth of 'love-at-first-sight', but it is very true. When we fall in love with a person, we decide to ignore his/her short-comings. That's why, "love is blind".

2. The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

Yes, nobody ever finds the ideal partner in life (it happens only on TV). We learn to adjust with the one whom we have found.

The article can be read here.

How to get help requests in the areas of your strength

Last week I had an opportunity to watch a video entitled "The Fulcrum Effect" by Rajesh Setty. It turned out to be not just a relaxation from routine work, but also a virtual classroom where I learnt quite a few lessons.

Amongst other points that Rajesh makes in the video, one that I found very unique was "How to get help requests in the areas of your strength, & how to say 'no' to people who ask you for help in areas in which you are not strong". He elucidates that a lot of research has been done to find out as to what is the best way to say 'no' to such requests, and there are 5 steps in which 'no' can be said.


1. Acknowledge the request: Get the confirmation as to in which area you are being asked for help. Ensure that help is not being asked in the area of your strength.

Example: If your friend asks you to review the manuscript of the book he plans to publish, then confirm whether he wants you to do just the proof-reading, or more than that.

2. Refuse politely: Say "No" in plain and simple words: "Sorry, I can't do that."

3. Explain: Give explanation as to why you can't help the person. Be truthful.

Example: Tell your friend that you are not a writer, and hence not suitable for the job.

4. Provide options: Give the person another source from where he/she can get the help.

Example: Refer your friend to someone else you know who has a good reputation for his/her writing skills.

5. State your area of strength: Inform the requester about the area in which you welcome requests for help.

Example: Tell your friend that if he wanted help in making a presentation, you would be glad to help.

If you follow the above steps, you not only empower yourself to use your time more productively, but also benefit others.

(a) You don't waste your time doing something that you are not good at.
(b) You inform your friend about the areas of your strength. This way, he will come to you when he needs help in those areas. You will then work in those areas, and become even more stronger.
(c) Your friend finds the right source for the help he requires.
(d) The person who helps your friend becomes stronger in the area of his strength.
(e) Your friendship does not suffer even though you did not help your friend.

The video has many more such insights, and it is highly recommended for everybody. The DVD is available here.

Two essential ingredients to make a speech successful

I had gone to a meeting during the last weekend. The meeting was about a cultural program that was being planned to be put up in front of a large audience. There were various aspects of the program that were touched upon by different speakers during the meeting.

Speaker 1: He welcomed the audience, and introduced the agenda for the meeting. He also set the stage for the next speaker, introducing him to the audience, and initiating the subject on which he was to speak.

Speaker 2: He spoke about the objective of the cultural program, and what role each of us, in general, will be playing the program. The audience appreciated his speech, and the tempo was set for the allocation of tasks to the various members in the audience.

Speaker 3: The third speaker was not introduced well, and more so, his subject of speech was not mentioned by anybody. He started well, and spoke with fervour & enthusiasm, but most of what he said was already known to the audience. He used a Power-point presentation, and out of the 15 (approx) slides, only 3 had the information that was new to many in the audience. Once he was through these three slides, the audience lost interest. They started watching what the others were doing, and hardly anybody paid much attention to him.

Speaker 4:He did a great job. As the audience comprised of people from 2 different groups, he broke the ice between the groups by making amusing, but not insulting, comments about either group to keep the audience interested. Finally, he also allotted the tasks to various individuals in the audience and achieved the objective of the meeting.

As the meeting concluded, I picked up two points about public-speaking:

Important ingredients to make a speech successful, among others, includes:
(a) Knowing your audience.
(b) Repairing the damage done by previous speaker.

Speaker 3 ignored the first point, whereas Speaker 4 realised that he has to take the second point also into consideration.

As I was leaving the venue, I saw Speaker 4 being congratulated for his eloquent speech by many.

How do you feel after being through TOUGH times?

" So, how do you feel when you have to go through all this?", my friend asked. I was forced into a silence of a few seconds, which my friend took as a cue to continue speaking. " Must be tough, isn't it?"

It was definitely tough. The 'all this' term referred to the downturn which the company I work in has been facing due to the economic slow-down. There have been plenty of lay-offs, at the top level as well as the levels below. I was just fortunate enough not to be asked to leave. Nevertheless, it was heart-breaking to see all the talented people who we had hired many months ago leaving us in a matter of days. I received the mails that inform me about the employee who is leaving, as I had to disable their login accounts in an in-house application. These mails had piled up in my inbox. And each time I saw these mails, I felt an uncomfortable silence within me. I begin to wonder as to when a similar mail will be sent from HR with my name being the center of attraction. Of course, I won't be receiving it.

"Yes , it has been really unfortunate period for us." was my reply.

And then came the question which made me think in a new dimension. He asked, "Then tell me, how was it when you were hiring a lot of people? How you used to feel at that time?"

It was obvious. " I used to feel happy that the company is growing."

It dawned on me then. I have been through a phase when there were only 8 people in the organization. (Yes, I was the eighth employee in my organization.) And now we are more in number, after facing the downturn. We have more visibility in market, and more products to showcase than ever. We have more revenue than we had at that time. More than that, we have more EXPERIENCE than we had at that time.

I can compare the current situation to what we were before the economic slow-down, and feel sorry about it. Or I can compare it to what we were when I had joined here, and feel proud of what I had gained.

Finally, I said to my friend , "I feel much tougher at being through the tough times."

Quotes on life

My friend Vikas recently sent me few quotes, which I found to be very inspiring. These quotes make one accept the reality & help prepare for tough times that everyone inevitably goes through in life.


Though most of these quotes are very popular, it is worth reading them once again & assure ourselves that whatever we are doing, we are on our journey to achieve the goal that we have set for ourselves.

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Success:

Without your involvement you can't succeed. With your involvement you can't fail.

What is the secret of Success... ?
"Right Decisions"
How do you make Right Decisions... ?
"Through Experience"
How do you get Experience.. . ?
"While making wrong decisions in the past..! “
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Strength:

If you know the strength and patience, welcome the company of trees.
- Hal Borland

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Actions:

You are not responsible for what people think about you. But you are responsible for what you give them to think about you.
-Stanley Ferrard

Don't make promise when you are in Joy . Don't reply when you are Sad. Don't take decisions when you are Angry.

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Happiness:

The happiest people do not necessarily have the best of all. They simply appreciate what they find on their way.

Write your Sad times in Sand. Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw

Easy to receive. Difficult to give.

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Love:

It's better to lose your Ego to the one you Love, than to lose the one you Love because of Ego.
-John Keats

Easy to say we love. Difficult to demonstrate it every day.

A man is lucky if he is the first love of a Woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man.
- Charles Dickens

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Are you moving away from your friends?

Recently I had gone to Agra for some personal work. I had done my  schooling there & had a lot of friends at that time. That was 13 years ago. So this time I wished to catch up with my old friends. After a little struggle, I was able to meet one of my friends, Satya. 

Satya, as I remember, was a typical guy. He had lots of friends, including me. But I was not his best friend as we had lot of differences too between us. Nevertheless, it was good to see him again, & we chatted for a couple of hours catching up on each other.

Satya told me that he had lost many friends in the past years as many had moved out of Agra for further studies or some other reason. It was a very painful for him to see his friends go away. Finally he decided not have close friends any more. He had stopped calling his friends for casual chats, and refused to meet them during the weekends. He was feeling miserable at the moment, but thought he will get used to a life without close friends soon, and be his normal self once again. This he was doing to prevent himself from undergoing any more separation from his friends who may go away in the future.

I was really surprised to hear that Satya, who likes to be surrounded by friends, has decided to shun away from companionship. I could only admire his resolve to change his nature to such a great extent.

I contemplated on this during a long train journey back home couple of days later. I realised that there were certain flaws in his method to avoid pain.

1.Love thrives when people are in touch. By avoiding his friends, Satya himself is sending away his friends. This is causing pain to him already, and it is the same pain that he wishes to avoid.

2.He is sending away his friends who may stick with him for a long time, as they may not plan to leave place where they have spent so many years of their life.

3.He is causing pain to his friends by moving away from them without any apparent reason. His friends won’t know why he is avoiding them. And when they hear the truth, Satya may be looked upon as a person who is selfish & contacts others only when he requires help.

4.He will not be able to call anyone for help when he really needs it, because after some time his friends will start avoiding him too.

After doing the above analysis, I called up Satya to inform him what I had discovered and to ask him to stop this appproach. But he did not receive the call as he wished to avoid me.