Thanksgiving

Yesterday we had a special team-lunch. The QA team in our organization had been declared as an independent body few months ago, but there had not been many occasions to get together on a personal front. All we had done earlier was to indulge in meetings that were meant to discuss pending issues and difficulties. But yesterday’s was a fun outing where the members got to know each other on a personal front rather than professional one.

We journeyed for around 20 minutes to a well-known restaurant, and sat down as a group (9 of us) on 2 tables that were placed next to each other for our convenience. As we were going through the starters, our QA Lead, Ravi, came up with a unique activity. He asked everyone to get up from their chair, walk up, and thank the person who has helped them most in the last one year. He also told that he should be counted out of this, and nobody should come and thank him.

Then followed what can be described as moment to remember, as each one of us went round the table and shook hand with the person who has helped us most in the past one year. One could see the joy on the person’s face who got up to thank, and an equal amount of satisfaction on the recipient’s face. This exercise gave all of us an insight into the helpful nature of people whom we know just as colleagues and professionals. The entire exercise lasted just 5 minutes but it had a huge impact on everybody present. Those who had helped others were much more motivated to continue to do so, and broaden their spectrum on this arena.

There was, however, one particular trait that came out of this exercise. If the person A was thanked by B and C, then A will invariably go to one of them to thank him/her in return. There was a mutual feeling of helping each other among the group. This reflects that well-known saying that what you give comes back many folds to you.

May be you too can try out in a team-meeting of yours. Do not get shocked if you get surprising results.

Customer Delight

Today I went to a road-side shop with my friend to buy a tender coconut. The shop-keeper was a lady, around 45 years of age. The shop was nothing but a pile of coconuts kept on a plastic carpet, under a shade. My friend ordered a coconut. The lady picked the one chosen by my friend, then sliced it enough so that the water within can be sipped using a straw, and handed it over to him. My friend sipped the delicious water, and then handed over the coconut back to her. She again sliced it open so that my friend can eat the content within. For eating that my friend had to use his hands. Once he was done, the lady opened a water bottle, and helped him wash his hands too. That was all over, and we walked away.

It was after some time that I realized the extra effort that lady had put to delight her customers. I have visited a lot of similar shops to buy tender coconut, but never I saw any shop-keeper offer water to customers to wash their hands. Every time, I had to wipe my hands clean with my kerchief.

How much effort does it take for giving water? But it makes a lot of difference…

A not so good experience in KSRTC Volvo bus

Am I right when I say that people, in general, are greedy? You may not agree with that. Let me share a recent experience of mine, then you decide whether you agree with me or not.

I was taking a bus from Puttaparthy to Bangalore last Sunday. It was a Volvo bus, run by KSRTC (Karnataka State Road Transport Corporation). This bus is a luxury bus, and passengers are charged a premium. Of course, the expectations from the passengers are also high. They expect a good-service, which includes on-time pickup and drop, well-mannered staff, and the other freebies, like the mineral-water served to each passenger, and a good movie, which may be played during the 4-hour journey.

One special feature of this bus was that there was only one staff member allotted. He performs the role of the driver as well as the bus-conductor. When I boarded the bus, he checked my ticket, and then made a note in his record-book. I made my way to the seat allotted to me, and settled down comfortably. Soon all the passengers were on-board and the conductor (or the driver, as we may call him) came to check whether all seats were occupied or not. He came near my seat, and then looked up at a lady who was travelling with her 2 sons. She was in her early 30s. The conductor asked her to as to who were the children with her. She pointed out both of them to him. The younger son was around 6 years, and the elder 11.

The problem started regarding the elder son. The conductor refused to believe that the elder son was 11 years. According to him, he was 12 years old, and she should pay extra fare for him. (Bus-fare for children below 12 years of age is half the fare of an adult passenger.) The lady refused to do so as she insisted that her son was below 12. She had booked the ticket through the Internet, and on the KSRTC website there was no indication asking the passengers to carry any proof-of-age. Thus she did not have any document to prove that she was right. The conductor was not ready to give up. The matter erupted into heated argument, till another passenger interrupted. He was a decent looking man with an air of authority around him. He softly, but firmly, told the conductor that he had no choice, but to believe the mother. No rule exists that will support his cause as mother's word will be taken as the final one in front of any authority of the law. The conductor continued to crib, said that they might encounter a problem on the way, and then left. Soon the bus started, we reached our destination 4 hours later without any discomfort.

I wondered what was the real motive of the conductor to raise this issue. Did he not know the rules? Or was he trying to get some 'extra income'? Did he target that woman because she was without a male escort?

I went to the KSRTC website, but did not find a link where I could register my complaint :-(

Do we lose our identity when we change ourselves?

Recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine. (Let us call him Ram.) It was just a casual conversation. We were asking each other as to what is going on in other’s life. He mentioned that he had been through a rift with one of his friend, and had sorted it out earlier in the day by talking to her.

It popped out during their conversation that Ram's friend wanted him to change some of his ways of doing things. But Ram was reluctant to change. The reason, he cited, was very simple. According to him, if he changes himself, he will lose his identity, which he did not want to. If he changes himself for sake of just one person, he will not remain Ram. He will not be the same Ram whom people know. For all his friends, Ram stands for something; a particular type of behaviour, a particular way of speaking, walking, eating habits, and other dimensions that make up his personality. If he starts changing these traits, just because one person out of billions on this earth asked him to do so, is it really worth it?

The conversation ended at that and I was left thinking about what Ram had said. At times, others ask us to change our particular personality trait. At other times, we admire people around us, and we wish to become like them. I have personally experienced this situation. I used to admire one senior student in my college days (I still admire him today). He is very popular among people around him. He has a very good sense of humour, is very helpful, and a good singer too. He also meets everybody with enthusiasm, and has never been known to become angry. I wanted to inculcate the same personality traits in me and become as popular as him. I knew I cannot become a good singer overnight. But I thought I can copy his other traits and embed them into my personality. I did that & failed miserably. The reason being the difference between my nature and his nature. I realized that my way of approaching people is slightly different from the way he approaches others.

When Ram spoke to me, I was reminded of this failure of mine. Most of me agreed that he Ram has got it right, but somewhere at the back of my mind, I knew that I had missed something vital. I discussed this point with a colleague of mine. I know her as an open-minded person, & whom I admire for simplicity & clarity of thoughts. Thanks to her, I learned the following lessons:

• Change is inevitable. Whether we like it or not, we change; our personality changes regularly. We are not the same person what we were 6 months ago.
• If somebody has asked us to change a particular habit of ours, which means that he wants us to become a better person, and thus he cares for us. We should be thankful to that person to bring it to our notice.
• We should not hesitate to try. If we change that particular habit of ours, and other people around us give positive feedback about the change, the change is worth making. On the other hand, if the people around us say that they did not like the new change in us, we can revert back to what we were earlier (which will be very easy).
• When our friend sees that we changed after he has asked us to, he realizes that we value his words. In turn, he too starts giving value to our words.
• People around us see us as a more flexible and open-minded individual.

In conclusion, I would say, when we change our personality after somebody’s feedback, it is not that we become somebody else. But, our personality becomes better. Others may start liking us and then they may like to become like us. Overall, we gain more friends, and become more popular.

Ram….are you listening?

Helping a stranger -3

I have written about my encounters with strangers very often. This is another one in the chain. All of these encounters are similar in nature, where the person wanted some help, and the following one is no different.

I was walking after leaving the office, and then suddenly this man stopped me. He was well dressed, around 30, and had a confident air around him. He told me that his pocket had been picked earlier in the day, and he had no money to go ahead. He needed to go to the Main Bus Stand in Bangalore (fondly called as ‘Majestic’ by the local people here), and from there he wishes to go to his home. He also told that he was an IT professional, working in a well-known company, and he will return my money.

The story was OK so far. But when he asked me to give Rs. 60 for the fare, I was a bit surprised. I told him that if he needed to go to Majestic, he needed just Rs. 10 as bus-fare. And if he wishes to go somewhere else from Majestic, still the bus-fare will not exceed more then another Rs.10. So, I gave him Rs. 20 as the total bus-fare for his journey. He thanked me & moved on his way. I moved ahead on my path. And then it struck me!

He had told that he had lost his identity card too. In Bangalore, most of the companies issue identity card so big, that it will not fit into a wallet. Secondly, most of the employees wear the identity card at home before starting to office, and take it out only after they are back at home at the end of the day. There was no way this man would have lost his identity card. So, I concluded, his entire story was phoney.

And at last, I concluded, I have been cheated by him ………………..of Rs 20.

Attend to others' need first...

This happened a couple of weeks back. I went to a shop to buy a loaf of bread. There were quite a few customers already and I could make out that I will have to wait at least 5-6 minutes before my turn comes.

'Why not take out money in the mean-time...' was the thought that crossed my mind. I acted upon it and was ready with the exact change in my hand in a few seconds. As I lazily stood at the counter, waiting for my turn to come, I placed my hand holding the money on the front-desk. The shop-keeper, who had gone inside to fetch some items for other customers, came back to the counter with his hands full. He kept all the items on the front-desk. Next he took the money from my hand as he asked what I wanted. I told, and got the bread-loaf immediately.

As I walked away, I heard a customer grumbling that he had arrived before me but he has not been served yet. The shopkeeper started attending to that person next.

Lesson learnt: Attend to others' need first, and your needs will be addressed by them without asking.

Normally, we first select the item to purchase, and then we pay for it. But if we show the money first, and then place the order, the delivery is faster.

A stranger hurt on the road...

Traffic is one of the most spoken-about problems in Bangalore. Generally it takes around 20 minutes to travel a distance of 2 kms within the city limits. More traffic also means more road accidents. I walk around 2 kms daily from my home to office. And in a span of 7 days, I am a witness to at least one accident, unfortunately.

A day ago, I just saw a young woman (well-dressed, indicating that she was working) sitting on the road, grimacing with pain. Apparently, a 2-wheeler had just hit her, though not severely, seconds ago. I think she was hit on her leg as she was holding her leg with both hands. She did not seem to be seriously injured at all, but she was not getting up. I thought of helping her, and took a step towards her. And then following thoughts crossed my mind:

1. What will she think?

(In India, if a man approaches a woman, it is not taken with a good node by the people around. They immediately jump to conclusion that the man is trying to attract/impress/flirt with the girl. This prompts the women to evade any approach by a man, even if it is for a good purpose.)

2. What will others think?

(I always think of myself as a person who does not bother what others have to say, if I know that I am on the right path. Today it proved to be false. I do think what others think about me. I know that I need to come out of this groove; I will definitely work towards it.)

3. Will I have to shell-out some money if I take her to hospital, even for a superficial check-up?

(Money is a constraint for me these days. But I hope this can change over time when I can afford to help other financially in a similar situation.)

4. Can I explain her that I am there to help her & mean no harm?

(I am not a native of Bangalore & do not know the local language. And it will need some effort to learn it. Right now its not a high priority for me as I am concentrating more on my career.)

Above thoughts clouded my mind so much that I retraced my steps and continued on my way to office. There was one question; however which was answered by me:

What would have I done if the woman was my sister?

I know I could have gone ahead and help the person. But looks like I am yet to evolve…

Sometimes we have to pay to help others

The other day when I arrived at my office in the morning, I saw a young-one of a Squirrel lying on the ground near the office building. It had fallen from its nest, which was located on a ventilator on the 3rd floor of the building next to our office. Soon many of my colleagues arrived and all of us felt pity for it. It was helpless, and leaving it there would mean death for sure as crows or ants will finally get to it. We told our office caretaker to shift it back to the nest. It was not an easy task as he had to go to the next building, take the required permission, and then put the creature in the nest. He agreed to do so, and then I came back to my place to start my daily work-routine.

Hours flew by, and it was time for tea-break. As I passed through the same place, I saw that the little squirrel was still there where it had fallen. I enquired the office care-taker about it. He told that he had put it back in the nest, but the young-one had fallen once again from its nest..! This was a surprise. Other colleagues heard it too, and we all asked the care-taker to put it back once again. He agreed to do so, but we could feel the reluctance in his voice.

The young squirrel was still lying on ground after an hour. When we came to know about this, my colleague Aravind Bhat hit upon a plan. He told the office care-taker that he will give Rs.100 to him if he puts the young squirrel in the nest. Needless to say, the young creature was back in its nest within short time.

Lesson for me: Having compassion is not enough. Sometimes we have to pay to help others.

Helping a stranger -2

I have the habit of walking to my office from home in the morning, and back in the evening. I enjoy this as not only this gives some exercise after continuously sitting in my chair for hours, but also gives me solid 30 minutes when I am alone, & can reflect on my actions at the end of the day, and plan for the next day.

Two weeks ago as I was walking to my home in the evening, I heard a couple asking the passers-by whether he/she can understand Hindi or Marathi language. (Bangalore's local language is Kannada.) Since I knew Hindi, I stopped and asked them what is the problem.

The man told that he came to visit Bangalore with his family (which included his wife, child, and his father). His father is not mentally sound, and during the day time, he got down at some bus-stop while they were travelling in a local bus. Unfortunately, the money that they were carrying is in the bag that is carried by father. So now they were penniless, and were hungry. He asked whether I can arrange for their dinner.

As is my nature, I took pity on them and I told them to follow me to the near-by restaurant. I decided to spend around Rs.50-60 (US $ 1-1.5) for the dinner of the entire family. As we were walking, the man said it will be a greater help to them if I could sponsor their bus-fare, because ultimately they will need that. Without giving much thought, I gave them Rs.100 (US $2). That will not be enough for them, but I could not afford more than that.

As I walked to my house, I was still wondering whether it was a right thing to do.

The real surprise came next day evening. At the same spot where I had found the couple, I saw another couple asking the same questions to the passing-by people. Again I stopped to listen to them. The story was pretty similar, only thing that was different was that this time they had lost their money by the way of a pick-pocket. I was not sure whether the story was true. This couple too asked me for food. This time I decided not to give them cash. I took them to a near-by restaurant, bought the food-coupons worth Rs. 60, and then handed over to them.

As I walked home, I felt slightly better than the previous day.

Next day I discussed these 2 incidents with my colleagues. And to my utter dismay, I was told that there is a gang of people who collect money in this manner. And, some of my colleagues did fall prey to them as I did...

Audit teaches me a lesson

Recently we had a Quality Audit conducted in our organization in order to become an ISO certified company. This audit was conducted by external auditors. Almost everyone in the organization was aware of the dates well in advance. But when the audit date arrived, there was a sense of panic on every face. Everybody was busy in documents, ensuring that they pass the audit.

The situation reminded me of a story that I had read long back. There was a king who ruled over a very small kingdom. In order to spread the kingdom, he began to spend on arms & men, and soon he had a very powerful army. Once he was confident enough, he started attacking the neighboring kingdoms, and added them to his rule. His kingdom spread far beyond he had thought, and thus was very happy. After few years of conquests, his kingdom touched the sea on all sides, and thus he became the lord of all the kingdoms in the land. His army had no more battle to fight. So the soldiers had lots of free time to heal their wounds & spend time with their family.

Few years later, a neighboring king attacked this king to take the revenge. The king called upon his army. When the soldiers were called upon for another war, they readily accepted the challenge. They put on their armour, went in the battle-field. But the moment their eyes fell upon the enemy, their courage left them. They fled from the battle-field, and lost the battle. The enemy took his share of land from the king. Seeing this, the other neighboring kings too attacked & took away some more land. At the end there was same land left with the king that was before he started his campaign.

Why did the king lost to the same enemies whom he had conquered earlier? The reason is the army was not ready. The soldiers relaxed after all the battles were won & did not practice their skills anymore. This their skills were rusted, their body forgot the art of fighting, and their mind had no courage to face the enemy.

Why I correlate this story to the audit in the organization is because we also undergo the same cycle in our office. We have an internal audit schedule in our organization. That is similar to the continuous war . These audits ensure that we update our documents at regular intervals & the entire process is maintained. If the internal audit is delayed by even a few days, people start relaxing. And when the external audit takes place, people panic as they have forgotten which document is where, and which document has to be updated. Finally everybody wastes precious time going through all the documents, and that makes the entire day full of stress & strain for everybody.

There are a lot of lessons to be learned from this. But the one I would like to mention is that we should do right thing at the right time. If we make this a habit and the amount of time saved by this habit is phenomenal.

Is it casual relationship, or is it love?

In love, we are decieved may times. We think that certain person loves us, but he/she actually does not. Or, we may think that we have no more than just a casul relationship with him/her, but actually it is much more than that. Is there any way to know how much we love a person?

I received the following quote from one sister of mine. It is very relevant, & it is a very high probability that we all have experienced this at least once so far in our lives:

And ever has it been, that love knows not its own depth, until the hour of separation.

Just stay away from the person in question. Do not see his face, do not speak to him, even on the phone, throughout the day. And check your feelings in the evening. If you feel sad, you definitely love the person, irrespective of how much you deny it.

We do not need to show-off

Have you ever come across a person who likes to show off his/her status?
Yes.
Did you like him or her?
No.
Would you like to become like her or him?
No.

Above is an imaginary conversation that can take place between you & me. But, if I ask you whether you are a person who likes to show-off, what will be your answer? If you like your friends to know your status, or let us say, what your standard of living is, what do you do? Throw up a lavish party?

One may ask as to what is wrong in doing that. They are our friends after all, and they ought to know how we live. Mitch Albom answers this question:

If you are trying to show-off for people at the top, they will look down at you anyhow. And if you’re trying to show – off for the people at the bottom, they will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone.

Quotes worth citing #8

During my MBA course, our teacher made us do a simple exercise. He asked us to form teams of 8 people each. One of the team-member will then stand on the edge of a platform approx. 1 ft. high. He will then turn his back towards the other team-members. Now, he will close his eyes and allow himself to fall back. The other members of the team, who will be standing on the ground will be ready to hold him. They will, in fact, convey the person on the platform that they are ready and he can let himself go. One by one, all the members of the team will climb on to the platform and allow others to catch them.

The exercise seems simple enough. But it is in fact very difficult to fall gracefully in others' arms. The 7 people who are down, are always confident of themselves. Its the person who is about to fall who falters. Many times the person falling will not trust his team, with his eyes shut, and nobody in his view. He will tend to break his fall half-way through, and thus make everybody's task difficult. This exercise is basically a trust-building exercise, where you have to have complete trust in your team members.

Mitch Albom gives the analogy of this exercise in the following words:

Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel you can trust them too – even when you are in the dark. Even when you are falling.

Do we use the dust-bin?

A couple of months ago, I had gone to attend marriage of my cousin sister. She lives in a small village located in the state of Uttar Pradesh. There is nothing special to mention about the marriage ceremony. If you know the traditions followed in atypical Hindu marriage, the same were repeated here too. But I noticed something that made me write this post.

The dinner was served in a huge hall, having a capacity of more than 1000 people. It was a buffet system, where the guests could go to any food-item they wanted (around 40 items were up to be gobbled), and take any quantity they wished. As some of the food-items were served in paper/plastic-plates, dust-bins were placed at many places in the hall so that after use, these plates, cups can be thrown into them.

The dinner started around 7 p.m. As I was busy with the other arrangements, I could enter the dining-hall only around 9 p.m. And I felt sad with what I saw. Most of the plastic-plates, cups and spoons were just thrown on the ground, all over the place. And to my astonishment, the dust-bins were empty except for a couple of used plates. People had not bothered to go near the dust-bins and used them. They just threw these things where-ever they stood and ate. And this made the area near the food-counters even more dirty than the rest, as people ate, threw, ate and threw again, all in one place. Worse, many people had thrown tumblers filled with water, and that had made the floor slippery in many places. And I saw around, it continued to happen with people eating around me.

I just wonder do we really need dust-bins in our society? Already we know the state of cleanliness of public places in India. And there has been a big hue & cry over this issue for a long time now.

It is truly said: Charity starts at home. Next time when we go to a public-place eg a restaurant, can we ensure that we do not make the place dirty? This is irrespective of the hotel-staff that has the duty to keep the place clean. Can we ensure that when we throw some trash, we throw it only in dustbin? That too not trying to throw it from too far, but going near putting it? And in case if it falls out, not hesitating to bend down, pick it up, and put it in the bin again?

To put in other words, can we make the work of health & hygiene workers a bit easier?

Quotes worth citing #7

Here is another gem from the book Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom.

Ever wondered what is most important act that you can do to make a vast difference to somebody else' life? You may come out with your own list, which may include:

1. Giving financial help when someone is almost bankrupt and needs it badly.
2. Donating blood/kidney to somebody and bring him back to life.
3. Giving someone a break that may make his career.

.....& so on.

I am more interested in the rationale behind these actions. If you have done any of the above act or a similar one, did you expect something in return? Most probably your answer will be 'no'. Ever wondered why is that? When you are undertaking such an action, which may affect even your life in some way, why do you not expect something back. Mitch Albom answers the question as following:

Love is the only rational act.

True. Without love, none of these acts are possible. And if you have done so, you are definitely a rational person.

Quotes worth citing #6

Continuing the quotes, here is another gem. I like it a lot because this one defines the way we should handle love.

We do acts of love, to show somebody how much we love him/her, and then we expect the person to reciprocate. We will have our own expectation. And the reciprocation may be different from what we expect. Then, what is our reaction?

For example, I give an expensive dress to my friend on his Birthday as a gift. Now, do I expect a similar dress from him on my birthday? Am I ready for anything else that he may try to give me? For example, a pocket-book, that may cost a fraction of the dress that I gave, but according to him, is the right gift for me. He may or may not know my taste, but that is a different matter altogether.

Its good to accept that token of love. I know what to give. But do I know how to take? The quote goes thus:

The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and how to let it come in

Quotes worth citing #5

Continuing with the quotes that I got from the book Tuesdays With Morrie , this quote deals with getting the meaning in life. It goes as follows:

The way to get meaning in your life is to devote yourself to loving others, to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

The above statement is pretty simple. We need to love others, to the people around others. Only the last part is catchy:...creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

What does that mean? Though I am no expert in philosophy, I feel that here is the space for working towards the personal goal. All of us do have a goal in our life that we wish to achieve. We have our own definition of success. And one day we want to be the embodiment of success that we have defined. According to Albom, that is also a part of finding fulfillment in our life.

There is one last point to note. Our self-defined success comes after loving the people, and the community around us.

Quotes worth citing #4

Recently I was reading a book Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. The book has a lots of quotations that makes us think, and if dwelt in deep, can change our life. I wish to list those quotations that have had an deep effect on me.

Many times we are caught in a dilemma. Think of those moments when you were saying one of the following statements to yourself.

"Do I make the choice #1, or choice #2?"
"I want to do this, but I am compelled, by external factors, to do that".
"My head says one thing, and my heart another. What should I follow?"

And at the end of it all, you made a choice, lets say choice #1. But did you ever think what was the final factor that made you decide to take the choice #1? It was nothing but love. You love the people/tasks/results that were affected by the choice #1 more than the those affected by choice #2.

Mitch Albom describes this point in the following beautiful way:

Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something that hurts you, yet you know it should not. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. Life is like a wrestling match.

What wins in the end?

Love wins. Love always wins in the end.