Is it casual relationship, or is it love?

In love, we are decieved may times. We think that certain person loves us, but he/she actually does not. Or, we may think that we have no more than just a casul relationship with him/her, but actually it is much more than that. Is there any way to know how much we love a person?

I received the following quote from one sister of mine. It is very relevant, & it is a very high probability that we all have experienced this at least once so far in our lives:

And ever has it been, that love knows not its own depth, until the hour of separation.

Just stay away from the person in question. Do not see his face, do not speak to him, even on the phone, throughout the day. And check your feelings in the evening. If you feel sad, you definitely love the person, irrespective of how much you deny it.

We do not need to show-off

Have you ever come across a person who likes to show off his/her status?
Yes.
Did you like him or her?
No.
Would you like to become like her or him?
No.

Above is an imaginary conversation that can take place between you & me. But, if I ask you whether you are a person who likes to show-off, what will be your answer? If you like your friends to know your status, or let us say, what your standard of living is, what do you do? Throw up a lavish party?

One may ask as to what is wrong in doing that. They are our friends after all, and they ought to know how we live. Mitch Albom answers this question:

If you are trying to show-off for people at the top, they will look down at you anyhow. And if you’re trying to show – off for the people at the bottom, they will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone.

Quotes worth citing #8

During my MBA course, our teacher made us do a simple exercise. He asked us to form teams of 8 people each. One of the team-member will then stand on the edge of a platform approx. 1 ft. high. He will then turn his back towards the other team-members. Now, he will close his eyes and allow himself to fall back. The other members of the team, who will be standing on the ground will be ready to hold him. They will, in fact, convey the person on the platform that they are ready and he can let himself go. One by one, all the members of the team will climb on to the platform and allow others to catch them.

The exercise seems simple enough. But it is in fact very difficult to fall gracefully in others' arms. The 7 people who are down, are always confident of themselves. Its the person who is about to fall who falters. Many times the person falling will not trust his team, with his eyes shut, and nobody in his view. He will tend to break his fall half-way through, and thus make everybody's task difficult. This exercise is basically a trust-building exercise, where you have to have complete trust in your team members.

Mitch Albom gives the analogy of this exercise in the following words:

Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel you can trust them too – even when you are in the dark. Even when you are falling.

Do we use the dust-bin?

A couple of months ago, I had gone to attend marriage of my cousin sister. She lives in a small village located in the state of Uttar Pradesh. There is nothing special to mention about the marriage ceremony. If you know the traditions followed in atypical Hindu marriage, the same were repeated here too. But I noticed something that made me write this post.

The dinner was served in a huge hall, having a capacity of more than 1000 people. It was a buffet system, where the guests could go to any food-item they wanted (around 40 items were up to be gobbled), and take any quantity they wished. As some of the food-items were served in paper/plastic-plates, dust-bins were placed at many places in the hall so that after use, these plates, cups can be thrown into them.

The dinner started around 7 p.m. As I was busy with the other arrangements, I could enter the dining-hall only around 9 p.m. And I felt sad with what I saw. Most of the plastic-plates, cups and spoons were just thrown on the ground, all over the place. And to my astonishment, the dust-bins were empty except for a couple of used plates. People had not bothered to go near the dust-bins and used them. They just threw these things where-ever they stood and ate. And this made the area near the food-counters even more dirty than the rest, as people ate, threw, ate and threw again, all in one place. Worse, many people had thrown tumblers filled with water, and that had made the floor slippery in many places. And I saw around, it continued to happen with people eating around me.

I just wonder do we really need dust-bins in our society? Already we know the state of cleanliness of public places in India. And there has been a big hue & cry over this issue for a long time now.

It is truly said: Charity starts at home. Next time when we go to a public-place eg a restaurant, can we ensure that we do not make the place dirty? This is irrespective of the hotel-staff that has the duty to keep the place clean. Can we ensure that when we throw some trash, we throw it only in dustbin? That too not trying to throw it from too far, but going near putting it? And in case if it falls out, not hesitating to bend down, pick it up, and put it in the bin again?

To put in other words, can we make the work of health & hygiene workers a bit easier?

Quotes worth citing #7

Here is another gem from the book Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom.

Ever wondered what is most important act that you can do to make a vast difference to somebody else' life? You may come out with your own list, which may include:

1. Giving financial help when someone is almost bankrupt and needs it badly.
2. Donating blood/kidney to somebody and bring him back to life.
3. Giving someone a break that may make his career.

.....& so on.

I am more interested in the rationale behind these actions. If you have done any of the above act or a similar one, did you expect something in return? Most probably your answer will be 'no'. Ever wondered why is that? When you are undertaking such an action, which may affect even your life in some way, why do you not expect something back. Mitch Albom answers the question as following:

Love is the only rational act.

True. Without love, none of these acts are possible. And if you have done so, you are definitely a rational person.

Quotes worth citing #6

Continuing the quotes, here is another gem. I like it a lot because this one defines the way we should handle love.

We do acts of love, to show somebody how much we love him/her, and then we expect the person to reciprocate. We will have our own expectation. And the reciprocation may be different from what we expect. Then, what is our reaction?

For example, I give an expensive dress to my friend on his Birthday as a gift. Now, do I expect a similar dress from him on my birthday? Am I ready for anything else that he may try to give me? For example, a pocket-book, that may cost a fraction of the dress that I gave, but according to him, is the right gift for me. He may or may not know my taste, but that is a different matter altogether.

Its good to accept that token of love. I know what to give. But do I know how to take? The quote goes thus:

The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and how to let it come in

Quotes worth citing #5

Continuing with the quotes that I got from the book Tuesdays With Morrie , this quote deals with getting the meaning in life. It goes as follows:

The way to get meaning in your life is to devote yourself to loving others, to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

The above statement is pretty simple. We need to love others, to the people around others. Only the last part is catchy:...creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

What does that mean? Though I am no expert in philosophy, I feel that here is the space for working towards the personal goal. All of us do have a goal in our life that we wish to achieve. We have our own definition of success. And one day we want to be the embodiment of success that we have defined. According to Albom, that is also a part of finding fulfillment in our life.

There is one last point to note. Our self-defined success comes after loving the people, and the community around us.

Quotes worth citing #4

Recently I was reading a book Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. The book has a lots of quotations that makes us think, and if dwelt in deep, can change our life. I wish to list those quotations that have had an deep effect on me.

Many times we are caught in a dilemma. Think of those moments when you were saying one of the following statements to yourself.

"Do I make the choice #1, or choice #2?"
"I want to do this, but I am compelled, by external factors, to do that".
"My head says one thing, and my heart another. What should I follow?"

And at the end of it all, you made a choice, lets say choice #1. But did you ever think what was the final factor that made you decide to take the choice #1? It was nothing but love. You love the people/tasks/results that were affected by the choice #1 more than the those affected by choice #2.

Mitch Albom describes this point in the following beautiful way:

Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something that hurts you, yet you know it should not. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. Life is like a wrestling match.

What wins in the end?

Love wins. Love always wins in the end.

Helping a stranger

Recently I was waiting at a bus stop to go to the near-by market. My eyes caught a person who was also waiting there. Let us call him Ram. He was wearing a white shirt, and dark grey trousers. His facial expression told that he was not very happy at the moment. He looked worried, and he did not care to settle his ruffled hair. As I was watching him, a Santro arrived at the bus-stop, and stopped a few feet ahead of the man. I could not see who the people inside the car were as the dark glasses were rolled up. After few moments, the car door opened and a passenger handed some money to Ram. From what I could make out, they were few notes of Rs.10 denomination. Ram put them in his pocket, and the car went away. Ram now looked at me, and saw me watching him. He came to me, and we had a conversation. I do not know the language that he spoke, but still could make out what he was saying.

He told that he was a student from a near-by town, and had come to attend a job-interview. Somebody picked his pocket and he lost entire money that he was carrying. He had no means to go back home. He only had few rupees with him now that he got few moments ago in front of my eyes. He asked can I help him.

Now I have had more than one encounter like this in the city of Bangalore. Almost every time I have given away some amount, max up to Rs. 100. But I was never convinced that my money was actually being put to the use for which it was meant. So, on this occasion, I declined help to Ram.

Ram walked away, moving his limbs in utter display of frustration. I watched him, wondering whether should I call him back and give him some money. At that moment, the bus for which I was waiting arrived, and I boarded it. As the bus moved, I could still see Ram, his worried face, unsure of the near future. May be I should have helped him.

After this incident I did notice one thing. Even after declining help to Ram, I was not convinced whether I had done the right thing.